Tag Archives: Negative

How to Turn Negative Problems Into Positive Opportunities

Have you ever had a problem or negative situation arise that if there was some way of turning it into an opportunity that you would do it in a heartbeat? We all have at one point. Maybe it was a financial setback. Maybe it was a heart break from a relationship. It could be that you fear for what happens when you die. It could be an emotional or a very stressful situation. Maybe you are up against the wall with a physical infirmity or sickness or disease of some kind. It could even be that you just have never fulfilled your potential in life.

Whatever it is I am telling you that you can turn it around for the positive and I will show you how. I will be using the example of Jesus and the very first miracle that is recorded which he did. The miracle is turning water into wine and it can be found in the bible in John 2:1-11.

When a good situation goes bad what do you do?

Here we have a couple who is getting married. Mary, the mother of Jesus is there and Jesus and his disciples were invited. So, we find that they wanted wine. Okay, so far so good. But then the mother of Jesus comes to him and says that they have no wine. Here we have a good and festive occasion that has just gone bad.

Jesus’ mother comes to him and says they are out of wine. Jesus says, “Woman, my hour is not yet come.” Did you ever have a situation or many situations that arose that were not life threatening, but fell into a category that if possible you could do without them? Yea, they won’t do anything except hurt your feelings or embarrass the daylights out of you, but you will live through them. They are the kind of situations that if you are already having a bad day it could be the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back so to speak.

So Jesus’ mother ignores him and tells the servants to do whatever he tells them to do. First you need to realize that even in those trivial and meaningless situations that are annoying, but livable, God still loves you and wants all things to work together for your good. You have to understand that. So you go to God for help and instead of complaining about your life or murmuring about the circumstances you are in just do what Jesus says to do. And what does he say to do? Let’s find out.

Here in our story we find six stone water pots that are used for purifying. Jesus told the servants to fill the water pots and these fellows filled them to the brim. Jesus told them to use what was right in front of them. Did you ever look so hard for an answer to your situation that you missed what was staring you right in the face? We all have. You need to slow down and allow yourself not to be in a rush. You need to get yourself in a neutral frame of mind and just get quiet and think things through in a more simple way. When you spend time in the Word of God on a regular basis I can assure you that when pesky circumstances arise and you quiet yourself down and pause for a moment that the Word of God will return to you and you will have an answer rise up from within you and you will know what to do.

So then Jesus says to draw some water out and give it to the head person at the feast. And the servants obeyed. When you obey Jesus by obeying the Word of God you will not fail. Usually obeying the Word of God will be contrary to what you think should be done. But you must ask yourself if you want to do things your way or do you want things done right and successfully? That would entail consistently doing things God’s way. If you want a life then lose yours in Christ. Let Christ reign in your life and I promise you that you will be delivered from every affliction that life throws at you.

Now the ruler tastes the water that had been made wine and he now calls over the groom to come and see him. Did you notice that the water did not become wine until the head person at this wedding was ready to drink it? Did you ever wonder why God doesn’t do a miracle based on your time frame? The ruler of the feast compliments the groom by saying that the good wine is usually served first and when people have drunk freely then the worst wine is served. Sounds like they water down the drinks as people get more and more drunk.

But in this case what happened? The water that was made into wine was the best that had been served. So let’s summarize what happened.

A situation arose making a positive occasion into a negative one.

Immediately a person went to Jesus for help instead of looking to the world or to personal knowledge or to any number of things that might have solved the situation.

When Jesus speaks you should listen and obey. This the same as reading your bible and obeying what is in there as well as getting quiet and allowing God to speak to you through that inward witness you have on the inside of you.

What Jesus tells you to do might be contrary to what you want to do or even abnormal in regard to even the laws of nature. This means that a higher law that you are not aware of might be available to use and work if you act on it. For example in Galatians 5:22 and 23 we read, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” Did you see that? There is no law against such things. That means if the fruit of the Spirit is developed in you as a born again Christian then when needed there is something that even lifts you above the laws of nature. Hence we have the gift of the Spirit of the working of miracles available to us when we need it.

And here is something that I want you to notice. You can do things in a natural sense or the way the world teaches and get by or you can do things God’s way and really do much better. If you do things the world’s way you won’t please God and you take your chances with the end being that you are the loser. Turn your life over to Christ Jesus and find out just how good life can be even when life throws every affliction and piece of garbage at you.

Gregory Whitaker is an ordained minister and Evangelist since 1996. He continues to share the principles of faith along with the the gospel of Christ so that others can live abundant and healthy Christian lives. For more information and encouragement go to: http://www.workingmiraclesbyfaith.blogspot.com

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Success, Positive Attitude & Erasing Negative Memories

A positive attitude can make the difference between success and failure, yet too many individuals struggle with the creation and maintenance of a positive outlook. Why is that and can anything really be done to permanently fix this problem? Yes!

A positive attitude, believe it or not is actually supposed to be our normal set point as human beings. Well if that is so, you might ask, then why are so many stuck in a negative mind set?

Well the answer is both simple and revolutionary. Let me use a metaphor to describe the situation. Suppose your computer is operating on software that is exceptionally slow because you have failed to update it regularly. Clearly this is going to leave you feeling frustrated, annoyed, and perhaps angry and falling behind.

Now suppose you realize the problem and you decide to download the updates. Almost immediately your computer’s performance will improve and you will feel your mood shifting into positive territory. So now let’s shift back to you and your attitude situation.

If I said that you, that is your conscious mind is operating on outdated software that lives in your unconscious mind and is stored there in the form of negative memories that constantly darken the perception of yourself and your world how would that feel to you? If that resonates with you then try the following exercise, place one hand over your Heart and as if you are speaking from there simply affirm the following statement to yourself:

“I resonate with the fact that I am being negatively affected on a daily basis by the software of my negative memories and I would like to erase/extract/uninstall this software and replace it with life enhancing software that is more optimally aligned with my true authentic and positive self.”

Now notice how you feel there in your Heart. You may have begun to feel a sense of relief, feelings of release, freedom, lightness, warmth, joy, optimism, peace, clarity and so on. If you like this experience then simply affirm that too to yourself via your Heart and it will grow stronger.

Now if you’d like to learn more about how to make this new state a permanent and solid experience kindly visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone consultation.

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone Consultation is available upon request. (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

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How to Create a Positive Attitude in a Negative World

Keeping positive in a negative world is sometimes a challenge. Other people are ‘sad sacks’, moaning and groaning about the weather, the lotto results, the traffic, the price increases, the government. It’s easy to pick up on the negativity and the doom and gloom they want to spread, but the other side of the coin, is being positive and a success.

It takes between 21 and 28 days to change a habit. You alter one and there’s another habit you need to change. Your success is stepping stones in progress, but it’s positive and you will succeed. Maybe not overnight, but then you’ve heard the old words “it’s taken my fifteen years to become an overnight movie star.”

Our top sports people have been practicing for years. It’s the same with our life. Practice leads to improvement. The difference is the movie star and sports heroes have coaches, we just bungle along in life and expect successes.

If that’s what you want in you life…here are a few tips that will assist you. I know they work, because I’ve had to learn them myself and now I include these and many others similar to them in my Attitude Training Programme. Copy them and put them on your office board or at home on the fridge.

1 Turn off the television – Negatively is rife in life. It’s in the media, magazines, people. If you want to be positive you need to rid yourself of negativity.

2 Achieve Results. – You need to have a goal, dream or desire you’re working towards. Maybe it’s money in the bank, increased cash flow in your business. A holiday, new car or ten new clients. As the saying says in the Wizard of Oz. Any road will take you there, if you don’t know where you’re going.

3 Overcome Fear – Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. There’s a great book Feel the Fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffries. Imagine not attempting to walk when you were young. You wouldn’t want to live without it now…. but you didn’t give up. You tried and succeeded. Take small steps to over come your fear.

4 Improve your Attitude – My Attitude postcard reads: Past, Present, Future, Every second you have a choice. Choose Positive and be your own Success Story. It’s true; you can only think one thought at a time. Make it a positive one.

5 Gain Confidence – Walk tall, stand straight, wear your best clothes, use eye contact (careful with some cultures) Smile! Robyn Henderson the International Networking guru says Fake it until you make it. You might have butterflies in your stomach, but no one can see them.

6 Improve your communication – Join Toastmasters and at the same time gain confidence. Attend assertive communication courses, learn about confident communication and remember Hello and Thank You.

7 Become Interactive – Just do it…is the Nike advertisement. Make the appointments and approach new clients, meet new people, join social clubs. Life is for living.

8 ‘Do’ Victory – With every small success reward you. After ten sales calls, have a coffee, after a completing a task well, find a way of patting yourself on your back.
Acknowledge that you’ve achieved something.

9 Get Enthusiastic – Find the ‘it’s great to be alive’ feeling. Discover your passions, experience and enjoy them. Smell the roses, enjoy good health, eat well and find the vitality in life from within. You’ve got it, but it’s up to you to discover it. Everyone has free will, the choice is yours!

Attitude Training, is learning to change the negative thoughts that float around in your mind to positive thoughts. Every time you DO something positive, you start to feel better about yourself. As
Nike says: Just do it!

Janice Davies is The Attitude Specialist, and who teaches people to be positive and empower themselves through Attitude Training. As a Professional Speaker, Success Coach and author Janice educates people at conferences, workshops and through books. Janice is the founder of the global movement International Self Esteem annual awareness day and features in the new True Happiness DVD. Janice has an online products featuring about attitude, goals, stress, happiness, relationships and more. Visit http://www.attitudespecialist.co.nz for other complimentary articles and tips.


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Simple But Effective Ways To Convert A Negative Attitude To Positive Attitude

Within this article we will be introducing ways to converting your negative attitude to positive attitude that will help you cope up with life better. For most people it is far easier to remember the bad things that happened to them in life than the good things. Our minds seem more programmed than ever to indulge on what’s wrong with our lives rather than what’s right. We always seem surrounded by bad news stories, whether it’s the economy, conflicts and wars, poverty………you name it we seem to seem to constantly see it. Being confronted by all this negativity drives the majority of us to have more negative feelings such as hate, anger, insecurity, jealousy, loneliness and many more. Constantly revolving around these feelings, makes it extremely hard to enjoy life and see the world how it’s supposed to be seen. There are some things that we can do however to change these negative attitudes to positive ones.

The first step in converting negative attitude to positive attitude is by listing down the negative things that are happening in your life. There might be a lot of things that you don’t like so just list them all and assess how you feel about those things. After listing them down, check those things that you can still change and those things that are irreversible. Once you have sorted them out, burn the piece of paper containing the bad things that you can not change. This will symbolize your letting go of these things. After this, create a strategic plan on how to turn the negative things around that you can still change.

Focusing on the good things is the next step in changing negative attitude to positive attitude. Being grateful is one way of working out positive vibes. So you have to list down the good things that is already happening or has happened in your life and the things that you want to happen in the future. Just by looking at it you’ll realize that there are still things that you need to be thankful for, and sometimes these are more overwhelming that those bad things that you let go of. This will give you the realization that whatever happens, life is still good and that there is always something to look forward to.

After listing the good things down, the next step in switching negative attitude to positive attitude is focusing your thoughts on all the good things. This will be hard at first but with constant exercise, you’ll get used to it. Every time something that you don’t like is happening, try to forget about it and keep your focus on the things that you like to happen. Just shrug it off and keep moving forward. At first there would be positive and negative thoughts that will be fighting in your mind so just let it be and make sure the positive ones win. Always keep in mind that nothing can pull your focus away from your goal.

Every time distractions come to keep you from your focus, try to meditate and find that inner peace so that it will be easier to alter the negative attitude to positive attitude. Try to be still and convince yourself that everything will be alright. When you are in that state of stillness, it’s easier for you to accept positive aura that will give you the passion to see life in its beautiful form. Never mind the imperfection – what matters is that nothing can keep you from acquiring that fire to live your life to the fullest.

Following these steps above will help you on the road to transforming your life into one that’s more fulfilling, happy, prosperous and successful through simply altering your debilitating negative attitude to positive attitude.

A negative attitude can have serious and damaging consequences on your life. Your attitude is the one thing that will determine whether your life will be happy and successful or one filled with endless struggles. Learn powerful techniques to quickly transform your negative attitude to positive attitude.


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Change From Negative to Positive Thinking With a Single Word

I learned a new word today and it has me giddy with joy. The word is insouciance. Say it out loud: in soo see ance. Doesn’t that sound delicious-like you want to eat a piece of it?

Visualize To Change Your Thinking

Insouciance is a French word that means carefree or without a care. Immediately as I roll the word across my tongue, my mind conjures up the image of me living a carefree life. I picture myself twirling around in the sunshine with my face warmed by its heat, my arms spread eagle and a big smile on my face.

As I hold this image, I see blue sky, shimmering crystal clear water, and fields of tall green grass blowing in the wind. I envision fluffy white clouds sailing along in the sky. I hear laughter and birds singing. I smell the freshness you notice when winter starts to move into spring-that deep moist earthy scent. I notice that people are passing by me with smiles on their faces, curious about what’s making me so happy.

I continue to hold this image and begin to feel the emotions associated with this carefree connection starting to physically well up inside me. Joy, peace, exuberance, vibrancy, excitement, love, abundance are all present. I radiate goodness and feel life in all its glorious splendor.

Mind Body Connection Is At Work

The mind body connection is at work. Simply thinking of the word “insouciance” instantly creates a picture in my mind of living the meaning of the word. My body responds by feeling the feelings I associate with the word.

Now as I move forward into the rest of my day, I’m filled with these feelings and their energy vibration. These feelings are being projected outward to everyone I meet and are present in every situation I encounter. This energy will serve me well today and will help me create the desires of my heart. And it all began with a word-and a thought-a very positive thought.

Should I happen to face a perceived challenge, I now have an anchor to shift my thinking from negative to positive. I will simply think of my word, and all its associations will come flooding back to me and become my new perception filter for that situation.

Take A Moment For Positive Thinking Now

Take a moment right now to reflect inside yourself. Is your mind filled with words and thoughts that stimulate your responses and help you live the life you desire? Or are you mulling over and thinking about words or negative thoughts which do the opposite? Do they hold you back-cause you to stumble? Do they take you off your desired path of conscious creation?

Your Thoughts Create

What you believe, you create in your life. Your thoughts become things. What are your words and thoughts creating for you today? If you need a word to grasp onto, I give to you “insouciance.” Now go forward and be carefree.

Esther Bartkiw is a Core Belief Engineering Practitioner and Motivational Speaker. She helps people release their fears and negative beliefs, open up conscious awareness and guides them on a journey of transformation. She can be reached at 905-630-4471 or visit her website at http://www.changefromwithin.ca
This article was written for http://www.womensquotes.com


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Delete Negative Thoughts and Create a Positive Mind

Are you one of those individuals whose mental time, power and energy is consumed in generating, supporting or languishing in negative thinking? If so, then you clearly recognize how this activity wastes a huge portion of your life and slows you down from achieving your goals. Indeed, a negative thought acts much like “friction” does in the physical world, it makes everything feel like work. Do you know that it is possible to delete negative thoughts from the mind and create a life that flows effortlessly?

In order to delete such negativity it becomes necessary to first understand where it comes from. If you ponder the experience of having a negative thought you will recognize that it just “pops” into the mind unannounced and without your active permission. It often seems like a random and uncontrollable event. There are however several factors that affect the intensity and number of negative thoughts one may experience at any given time.

They are:

1. The degree of stress you find yourself in (i.e. financial, relationship, health etc…)

2. The extent to which you choose to believe how beneficial such thoughts might be to you.

3. The presence of foreign substances including coffee, alcohol and other depressant drugs.

4. The cumulative history of negative memories of events in your life that are stored in your unconscious mind.

If we assume that Number 3 above is absent then we are left with 3 significant factors that can be addressed directly to deal with this problem. In fact it turns out that these 3 are actually intimately related both to the problem itself and to the solution. Let me explain.

At the deepest level negative memories stored in the unconscious mind:
a) generate the negative thoughts you experience floating into your conscious mind
b) are triggered by stressful daily events that “stir this unconscious pot” and
c) also act as “evidence” or “justify” to you why having such negative thoughts is necessary. Let me give you an example.

Suppose you have experienced a failed relationship that was traumatic to you. You will have the memory of this event stored inside along with all the negative feelings that go with it. If you happen to meet a new potential partner this new situation will often trigger some or all of the negative emotions and thoughts from the old relationship. These will emerge into your conscious mind likely as: doubts about the new relationship, beliefs (and or fears) of rejection, potentially pessimism about relationships and about your new friend and so on.

What’s more you might find yourself “justifying” the need to hold onto this negativity in order to, say, protect yourself from getting hurt again. So where does this leave you? Well living an unfulfilling life that is consumed with negativity. Happy? Hardly!

In order to permanently delete this negativity it becomes necessary therefore to:

1. Delete the negative memories.

And

2. Delete the need to justify the negative thoughts.

By doing so not only will you create a clear, focused and positive mind you will also release stress from your life and experience what few individuals on this planet ever do, an effortless life.

All of this can be done easily and effectively with a new process that you can learn more about and/or experience by visiting the web site below where you can request a free introductory telephone consultation.

Nick Arrizza MD, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor is an International Life, Executive, Organizational Tele-Coach, Author, Keynote Speaker, Trainer and Facilitator. He is also on Faculty at Akamai University in Hawaii. He is the CEO and Founder of Arrizza Performance Coaching Inc. and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

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Choose Your State of Mind – Negative Or Positive

So how important is your mind set? If your answer is it’s not that important well, I have some bad news for you. You are so wrong, your mind set has everything to do will all aspects of your life from business to family to life in general.

The way you look at everything will have directly affect how you handle everyday situations or as I like to call them the bumps, lumps and hills of life, the curve ball that gets thrown at you when you are not looking; course I could use analogy all day but you understand where I’m coming from.

We attract things in our life. If we are negative then negative will follow. If we are positive then positive things will follow us. That doesn’t go to say that positive people don’t have negative things happen to them and negative people have positive things happen to them. It is the way we handle and look at the situation that counts.

People that are plagued with negative thoughts tend to have negative things happen to them. They draw negativity into there lives. Some people thrive here and they refuse or just don’t want to be happy. Makes you wonder why they spend so much time complaining about all the bad things they find in life or about life, people etc. and that they never stop to see all the beauty and wonderful things that life has to offer. I feel sad for these people, they are wasting a way there life on all negativity but everyone has the right to make the choice of being happy or not. So I no longer feel sad for them, I accept their choice even though I don’t agree. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink, right?

Positive people who have positive thoughts attract positive things, people etc in their lives…these are the people who say yeah, it’s raining at least it not a drought. They find a silver lining…a peak of sun in the dark clouds. They stop and enjoy the small simple pleasures that life has to offer.

When you have a positive business mindset you are ready to accept the success of the day. When we have failures, we accept them learn from them and keep going…we don’t let them stop us from going after our dreams – goals that we have set for ourselves. They are ready to accept the abundance of wealth that is coming their way.

Negative business mindset people say well I tried that but this and that happen so I gave up, I can’t dot that, I will try, I’m not smart enough, I’m computer illiterate, I would if I had time, etc. They have an excuse for everything that happens which is there excuse of why they have given up. They are usually defeated before they start. They don’t know how to handle their money so no matter how much they make they still are in the same place as they were.

So I ask you who would you rather be, the negative person or the positive one? I choose to be the positive person and just because you choose you have to believe because you have to believe in your choice or you will never go anywhere. I’m not saying that positive people can’t have negative thoughts. We all have them but I only allow myself 20 mins., 2- 3 times a day to have negative thoughts. I get it all out where i have to cry, yell or be depressed…then I tell myself what did that do for me…If I continue..I will only draw my negativity into my life. Do I want that? No, I don’t so I think of happy thoughts. This has helped me a lot and has brought success to my life and a happiness that I thought I would never have.

Remember your state of mind is up to you. Your success depends on your state of mind.

http://www.anessa.me


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Drive Away All Negative Energy and Capture All Positive Energy

In today’s fast moving scenario when there is negativity all around you its always better to fasten your seat belts and be prepared with all positive energy to face challenges in life. Now things have changed remarkably. Negative thoughts, negative views & negative people . There are many people who are trying to pull you down . You have to survive and reach your goal. Things will change only when you will want them to change. You have to start from yourself first then only you can change the society and their thinking at large.

First and the foremost thing to start with is stay away from all negative people and all negative thoughts. Negative people think negative and they imbibe the same culture in you. If you stay away from them you shield yourself from negative friends. Forgive each and every person who has caused you harm or has spoken against you. In this way you free yourself from taking revenge from them and remain at peace of mind because you don’t have any enemies. You love all of them and give respect to everyone. I know its hard to practice but this is the only way you can inculcate all positive energy in yourself and drive the negative.

Have a Big heart and a broad mind . This is really going to help you a lot because there are a lot of people around you who are plotting against you. When you are aware you want to teach them a lesson. Preserve your time and energy for doing something good for yourself, for doing work, for enjoying rather than counter blow and do the same. Your life is precious and God has gifted you just with one single Human life to do all the good things that you can do rather than plotting against others. I just mean utilize your time and get the maximum out of it so that you don’t repent in the near future. Time is very valuable and once lost can never be gained so climb your ladder of success with full zeal and fervor.

Things may not remain the same as they are today but you always remember that their is an almighty looking after all and they will punish the person who does wrong and reward the innocent ones. Be satisfied with what you have. Don’t be dissatisfied with what others have. Jealousy arises all negative thoughts and give rise to lots of heart burn. Free yourself from all these nonsense stuffs and live a healthy life.

Keep yourself focused and committed towards your goal. Nothing can stop you and a time will come when you will be looked upon with honor even by your enemies. Its very correctly said ” Its your attitude not your aptitude that determines your altitude “.

Open up your mind and get all the positive energy because a very famous saying goes ” Our minds are like parachute and they work best when open “. Be open minded and think positively and reach the stars.

All the best.

I am Business Development Officer at vinayRas Infotech. For more information view – http://www.vinayras.com

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Positive Affirmations Or Negative Affirmations – You Choose!

One of the most powerful tools we can use to change our beliefs and our behaviors is the tool known as affirmations.

Affirmations are simple, short, strong messages that we send to ourselves, by repeating them out loud or silently. Affirmations can also be written.

There’s a good reason why we should master the use of affirmations. If you don’t learn how to choose and use positive affirmations, you will be a victim of the negative affirmations you are already repeating to yourself.

Do you ever catch yourself saying something like, “There you go again, being stupid again. Don’t you ever learn? Can’t you ever do anything right?”

For many people, this is a typical affirmation that runs through their head many times a day.

If you take a look at this particular affirmation, you will notice that it is very, very negative. It says to the person, “You are stupid. You are always wrong, and you will always be wrong.”

Affirmations can be incredibly powerful, whether they are positive or negative. An affirmation acts like a form of hypnosis. It tells the listener how to be and how to behave.

Can you imagine the effect of such a negative affirmation, repeated dozens or even hundreds of times a day, over many years?

When you make the decision to start using positive affirmations, you will be challenging many years of negative affirmations that you have used in the past. You need to experiment and discover the best way that positive affirmations can work for you. There is a lot of information available about how to use positive affirmations, and not every technique is the same. Not every system will work well for each person, as we are all individual.

Still, there are many people who claim that positive affirmations don’t work for them. They try using positive affirmations for a while, and then they get bored, or they give up when they don’t see the results they want right away. Why do positive affirmations sometimes appear not to work?

Let’s get scientific about this. Get out a calculator, or a pen and paper. Now, take a bit of time to think how many negative affirmations go through your mind every hour. How often do you catch a subtle little thought fleeting through your brain that is really a put down of yourself and your abilities. Does it happen once an hour? Ten times an hour? More?

Now multiply that number by the hours you are usually awake during the day. Multiply that number by the number of days you have been alive since you were a child.

The resulting number will give you a rough idea of how many negative affirmations you have said to yourself during your life time. If you are like many people, the number of negative affirmations is a huge, astounding number, perhaps in the tens of thousands or even the hundreds of thousands of times.

Do you have an idea now why negative ideas can be so entrenched in your mind, and do you see why doing positive affirmations for a few weeks might not be enough to turn the tide of your own negative opinion?

For affirmations to work, you’ll have to commit to doing them long enough and often enough. That might mean, repeating your positive affirmations hundreds of times a day for many months. You’ll need to find a way to phrase your positive affirmations so that your mind can accept them.

If you give up on the idea of using positive affirmations, it’s all too easy to slip back into letting negative affirmations rule your life.

You are probably doing affirmations already, you just need to make sure the message you are affirming is the one you really want to hear.

This article was written by self help author Royane Real, author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”. Discover more self help articles and products at http://www.royanereal.com


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Long Term Benefits of Positive Reinforcement vs Negative Reinforcement

Long Term Benefits of Positive Reinforcement vs Negative Reinforcement by J. Richard Kirkham


Over the years of tutoring students with behavior challenges, I’ve noticed a pattern of negative reinforcement by both parents and teachers in an attempt to diminish or stop such behaviors.


Let’s review some basic behavioral reactions from all human beings. This includes both adults and children since these are basic behaviors.


Children and adults avoid negative stimuli.


This includes but is not inclusive to spankings, getting yelled at by the boss, or even disapproving looks.


Children and adults attempt to receive positive stimuli


This includes but is not inclusive to hugs, getting complemented by the boss, or even approving looks.


In the absence of any stimuli children and adults will attempt to create situation wherein responses by authority figures or peers is motivated.


In most cases I’ve witnessed in both children and adults the activity to promote this stimuli tends to be in the form of a negative behavior issue. Again, this applies to both children and adults from throwing paper airplanes to antics at the water cooler at the office.


Why are these behaviors primarily negative?


Let’s consider the way we were raised.


I’ve actually had successful, intelligent parents tell me and I quote one person


“My wife and I don’t believe in rewarding expected behavior.”


What do you believe my former student will do when he/she feels a need for attention? Do well on a test? No, that’s expected. As is behaving in class, in public and basically acting in an appropriate manner in all situations.


I’ve seen the same attitude in over 75% of the parents who hired me to consult with them over email or tutor their child and it’s not the parents fault. Most parents don’t have a background in teaching, counseling or psychology They raise their children, in most cases, the way they were raised. Getting the occasional tip from another parent or television. If the technique the parent uses even temporarily hinders a behavior. They feel successful.


For the most part, if the child has no extreme behaviors, the parents techniques raise a socially acceptable child with average goals in life, but at what loss of potential?


Let’s look inside the mind of a child through adulthood.


Let’s presume he/she has average self-trained parents who understand the benefits of positive reinforcement, but are, for the most part unsure how to execute it and therefore is sporadic at best.


Here’s a scenario;


John gets an A on his test. Parents praise him.


The next class John tries hard though he gets a D. Parents admonish him.


John gets another D in the same class. Parents ground him


John gets yet another D parents take away his hand held gamer


John stops trying in the class


John resorts to acting out for attention in that class


As his peers grow accustom to his behaviors John escalates them in order to receive the same amount of attention.


The parents finally have a meeting with the teacher of that class to find out why John gets into trouble in that class.


This can escalate further but generally doesn’t. Do you now understand, however, why we act out in a negative manner in order to get attention. We keep the traits in us which are reinforced whether this reinforcement consists of negative or positive stimuli.


Let’s now examine some parents who, through classes study or perhaps even buying my book (were they the one’s) understand the importance of consistent positive reinforcement.


John gets a D on his test


A compliment is followed by constructive questions


John changes his study habits


John still gets a D


The parents hit a heavy bag, power-walk and release their stress in constructive ways.


A compliment is followed by constructive questions


The parents have a meeting with John’s teacher for the class.


The teacher works with John.


John probably does better on the next test.


Regardless of the results John still has his support group and is not alone. Which means I probably won’t get the “you’re my last hope” call.


Let’s carry both these scenarios into adulthood


Primarily Negative Stimuli


John graduated high school with B’s and C’s He’s working at a grocery store. He bags groceries and is a hard worker. He does what he’s told at work because he doesn’t want to get into trouble. He shows up to work regularly and has had a few raises.


Scenario with primarily positive reinforcement


John graduated high school with A’s and B’s. He started out bagging groceries. John knew he could do better than that. He worked hard utilizing the same positive reinforcement techniques his parents had utilized with him to improve his self-confidence. The customers, coworkers, and management appreciated his positive attitude and hard work. John asked questions and was not afraid to try or suggest new ways of performing daily tasks at work.


He’s now the manager of the grocery store with a very busy schedule as he is taking college courses in the evening.


Conclusion


Though John’s character is fictional, the results are not. Self-confidence and a lack of fear to attempt to achieve tasks without negative reprisals due to temporary lack of achievement is a must for the building blocks for both leadership and innovation. Without consistent positive reinforcement the child’s chances of realizing this self-confidence to perserveer and to develop and initiate new ideas and methodology is greatly restricted.


Let me conclude with a quote from my book


“Do you want your child to want to do the right thing or be afraid to do the wrong thing?


About the Author


J. Richard Kirkham is a dual certified teacher and martial arts instructor. He has expertise in alternative teaching methods and positive reinforcement methodology. He’s written several books in the printable electronic format and has made downloadable videos and DVDs. One of his books he put his heart and soul into is “Tutoring and Positive Reinforcement Techniques and Methodology for all Parents and Teachers” formerly titled “Raising Your Child to be More Positive and More Confident” Feel free to visit Mr. Kirkham’s website at KirkhamsEbooks.com or you may email him at help@kirkhamsebooks.com


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